Friday, 9 March 2012

Harry Houdini Could Learn A Thing or Two From Me...

Have you ever had one of those days where you put on your headphones, pick a playlist on your ipod (or whatever mp3 player device you use), shut your eyes and wish you could escape your mundane life just for a minute or two?

Well I felt like this the other day waiting for the train! I wanted to just get away from it all and just allow the music to wash over me. Unfortunately I couldn't do this for fear of missing my train home, and I didn't fancy waiting another half an hour for the next one. Plus, I already looked like a right weirdo pulling out my blog ideas notebook from my bag and writing down the ideas, as they came to me, for this blog. I think closing my eyes would have been the last straw and the commuters on the platform would have called those lovely men in white coats to have me taken away once and for all! I wonder if Sid still works for them? He was a nice man.

Music has always been a form of escapism for me, (hence the Houdini reference in my title). Any time I have wanted to just escape from an issue I'm facing in my life, be it something positive or negative, I have always turned to music as an escape, whilst I decide the best plan of action. For example, The All American Rejects are a band I have sought shelter with when running away from things, on more than one occasion. It was this band that I turned to the day I stopped speaking to my Father, a week or so after my 18th birthday, (who is now known as Sperm Donor, as from that day onwards he lost his rights to be known as my father). I still remember it clearly, arguing with him and the fall out afterwards. He'd had a few glasses of wine with food and thought it was a good idea to tell me why him and my Mum had split up - or rather his version of why, with him playing the role of the victim. Trying to tell your eldest daughter that the reason your marriage fell apart was down to her Mother, rather than his affair, was a rather unconvincing argument to me.  After putting him in his place, and telling him there and then, that I disowned him for being so gutless (it has been over 5 years no contact, so I have been true to my word),  I ran up to my bedroom in my Grandparents house, (where we were staying for the Christmas holidays),  and just put my headphones on and let Tyson Ritter transport me away from the chaos that had errupted around me. The music made me feel safe and I suppose it was my way of coping with what had happened. The same band have also seen me through other less dramatic events, such asescaping the heat in Goa when I thought I was going to pass out, revising for exams and just generally dancing round my bedroom to them, either when avoiding getting on with work or getting ready to go out somewhere. Their song 'One More Sad Song' has actually inspired a tattoo I want inked! The lyrics 'One Girl, One Boy, Two Hearts, Their World' would totally work in picture form! Once I can decide where I want it and how to finalise the drawing, I will get it done - so watch this space. And through all these events they are still a band I love to listen to. I have their albums on both my ipod and my blackberry and can often be heared butchering their songs, by singing them at the top of my voice when I'm in the shower.I also have them blasting away in the shop whilst I write this blog. Fast forward 10 years and I will probably still be escaping with them.

I am also the Queen of running away from my problems. When the world just all gets too much, instead of fighting it head on, I run away and hide like the wuss I am. I will always remember when I was in sixth form, a guy I liked had asked a mutual friend for my number and dropped me a text! Now a normal girl would react calmly, give him the 15 minute rule, (you have to wait 15 minutes before texting back, so you don't look too keen - a rule heavily endorsed by Miss Koko back in her single days) and then let the conversation develop from there. What did I do? I hid under my duvet in the feotal position for at least half an hour, with my phone on my bedside table, wondering if it was all a joke and how on earth to reply, or if I should reply at all? My stomach was all knotted and full of butterflies and I just hid from the world. In hindsight, if I could go back and talk to myself, I would have told myself to get a grip and just 'man up'. I was actually talking to my friend, Mr Nice, (given this code name mainly because he is one of the nicest guys I know), about this exact story the other day. He too is a runner and is currently working in a ski resort in France, in order to escape from his problems. I haven't managed to run THAT far away just yet! Normally the furthest I would run would be home to Mum, as she would not ask too many questions and just let me get on with sorting out my head. This has helped on a number of occasions when I was in university. Whether it was an argument with the BFG, or trying to get an essay or exam revision done, home was my form of escape. The one place I felt able to compose myself and start again. But now I'm living back at home I don't even have this option, so I will need to find a new place to run to. I'm thinking a tree house needs to be built in the bottom of the garden and then I can solve my problems 80s style. Oooo and maybe getting a ghetto blaster to listen to my music on! Roll on the retro! 

Another example of my inability to face things head on was when it came to opening my degree results. I had a rocky start at the beginning of my degree by having to resit my first year, after failing two law modules, not once but twice! So when it came to opening my results, the month or so of anticipation that had built up around this life changing event, had resulted in me convincing myself I had failed. So I point blank refused to open them on the day. Family and friends both pleaded as they wanted to know how I had gotten on, but my stubborn streak took over and that was that. You could have offered me 1 milllion pound to open them and I would have refused it. When everyone else was celebrating, I was oblivious to my fate and hiding under a blanket on the sofa like a sulky child. The next morning however, I thought enough was enough and opened them to find a clear 2:2 printed on the paper! To say I was relieved was an under statement!!!! But I needed that time to be able to face the news, whether good or bad.

People all cope in different ways when faced with challenges in their lives and my way is music. Always has been and probably always will be. It is an easy way for me to escape. All you have to do is put your headphones on, choose your artist, and for those however many minutes, just let them transport you to another time and place, where you haven't got a care in the world. Even if in reality it is not so easy to do.

Peace Out
Random Quirky Girl x

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