Wednesday, 7 August 2013

The Ex Factor

So I went on my first date since officially rejoining the singles market and my god was it an eye opener!

For the sake of concealing his identity, we shall call him Mr G*Star. Now, ever the gentleman, Mr G*Star decided he would pass the buck of choosing what to do on our first date to me..... great! I don't know about you, but I hate going for food on a first date. It is awkward and if the date is going really badly you have no quick escape routes, as it would be rude to leave before dessert, which in my opinion is the best course. Cinemas also seem unacceptable as first date options as you are unable to get to know the person you are on the date with. I personally love cinema dates as if the date is going badly, you get to see a film and have something to make small talk about afterwards. After much deliberation I decided that we would go for a few drinks after work. I didn't mind which bar we drank at so I left it to him to decide on the location. Somehow he thought going to Mill Lane was the perfect choice. Now for most of you out there who don't know where I am referring to, Mill Lane is for the suit wearing banker types, who have more money than sense and like to act pretentious and splash the cash. In other words the complete opposite of me. When it comes to going to a bar, I prefer comfort over style every time. However, not wanting to discourage him I agreed. We ended up going to a bar called Kapu (or 'Cat Poo' as one of the guys in work called it), which had recently opened on Mill Lane. To my complete surprise, it wasn't as pretentious as it could have been and was actually quite quirky. I was slightly nervous because not only had I turned up 20 minutes late, after being stuck late in work, it was also the first date I had been on in a while.

So, armed with girly pink cocktails (which I totally gave him man points for joining me with), we grabbed a table outside as the weather was nice and I had been stuck indoors most of the day. Chatting with him to begin with was a little stunted, but I just put it down to nerves on both fronts and kept filling any silences with random chatter. I think one of the more memorable moments was when I asked him what kind of till they used in work.... not one of my finer conversation starters I will admit. After a few sips of the bright pink cocktail, my nerves settled and talking became easier.

We spoke about all sorts, from work to festivals to going abroad. However, I started to notice that something kept coming up in conversation... his ex. I can't recall how we got onto the conversation of wrists, but I have stupidly small wrists and took my casio watch off to visually demonstrate it, as the metal casing is set at my wrist size. Mr G*Star then subtly adds that his ex bought the watch he was wearing. So this first "ex" mention didn't raise any alarm bells. It was just a passing comment... or so I thought. The occasional mention of the dreaded ex is fine, but it didn't stop there! Topic after topic, the ex kept getting mentioned. I think in total I counted at least 10 times he brought her up. Don't get me wrong, I am all up for being honest about past loves and how they have affected you etc, as I am the first to admit I carry the metaphorical scars of past relationships. Personally I think it is third or fourth date territory, that the ex discussions can take place, but on a first date, MAJOR NO NO. I felt a little bit sorry for him as I don't even think he realised he was doing it.

So two cocktails later and I realised I needed to catch my train home or I would miss my connecting bus. A part of me was quite relieved to have the perfect reason to leave, as I had run out of conversation starters and I really didn't want to hear anymore about his ex. I left it on good terms proposing we do it again sometime. I didn't want to write it off just yet as I needed to think about whether it was worth giving him a second shot.

I rang Miss Koko for a post date breakdown and the more I told her about it, the more I realised that I really did not want a second date. It wasn't the fact that he isn't a nice guy, but it had totally put me off him. But the tricky part was telling him without coming across as a total bitch. I mean how do you tell a guy that the reason you are not keen to see him again is because he spoke about his ex too much? So I took the chickens way out and didn't tell him for a few days. Right now half of you out there are judging my cowardly stance and the other half are totally agreeing with me that they would have done the same. Judge away as I know I would if I was reading this.

The next day on lunch I told the girls all about it. They agreed with me that he had committed one of the ultimate first date faux pas and that he clearly still had ex issues. That was it, my mind was made up and I knew I had to end it before it was too late and a second date was arranged. So, the next morning, I facebooked him telling him that I didn't think it was a good idea we go on a second date, because I was the one who was not over my ex and did not want to hurt him in the long run.  I guess part of that was true, I am not completely over the Toyboy and still miss hearing from him, but I also couldn't tell Mr G*Star the real reason, because it just seemed mean. Cut to Lunch time and I am telling the girls again about ending it and who should walk past, but Mr G*Star just as one of the girls loudly announces that I should have just told him the truth that he was the one who had put you off by talking about his ex repeatedly! Now, I do not know if he heard me and I pray to god he didn't as no one needs to hear that kind of truth, but to make an awkward situation even more awkward I waved and said hi. To say it was an awkward Turtle Moment was an understatement, especially when I explained to the girls who he was and the laughter that erupted!

One thing that I did learn from my disastrous date with Mr G*Star is that I do not think I am quite ready to start dating again. So I guess something good came out of the experience.

So fuck relationships and here's to being single! Well until the next guy walks by and catches my eye....

Peace Out
Random Quirky Girl x