Sunday, 21 April 2013

Post break up sex.... that helps you forget your ex!

So my friend Straight Edge (called so due to his Straight Edge lifestyle) has recently become single after splitting up from his fiancee of three and a half years. Now, there is nothing strange about people breaking up. This happens on a daily, if not hourly basis all around the world. However, what got me thinking is the way people react to a break up.

I have always been the type of girl to reach for her two favourite men, Mr Ben and Mr Jerry, get the girls round for a romantic film, usually the notebook, (which reaffirms that true love only happens in the movies) and bitch about what a bastard he was and the girls informing me of how they never really approved of him. A lot of snotty tissues and many tears cried later and I am ready to face the world again. Well, after rigorous amounts of make up is applied to help try and disguise my swollen, blotchy eyes and my spotty skin from all the junk food. However, Straight Edge has handled his break up too well and is already back on the dating scene. Now to me it is far too soon, but I guess everyone has their own way of coping with this. I am a great believer that there should be a period of mourning post relationship. Like when someone dies and everyone grieves for that person, I think a break up (well a long-term break up anyway) should be like that. I also believe it is more respectful to the other party, regardless of who finally said enough was enough, to give it a little bit of time before moving on to the next girl or boyfriend, otherwise it just makes it look like the relationship didn't mean anything in the first place. I think the longer the relationship, the more time should pass. I remember someone telling me before that the amount of time you should wait before moving on was was based on the length of time together. I can't remember exactly how it worked but for example, if you were together for 3 months then you should wait 3 weeks before moving on. My maths brain isn't switched on fully tonight as I blog but I think it was based on roughly a third of the time together. Anyway, I remember thinking at the time that it was quite a good theory.

But then again life's too short so why not make the most of it and this got me thinking about those people who rebound upon breaking up. I remember trying this when I split with the BFG but I was rubbish at it. I was hurting badly and wanted to do something to numb the pain and I just wanted to do something out of character for a change. I wanted to be wreckless and spontaneous, but I was truly awful at it as deep down I was not ready to move on. I remember the boys I lived with dragging me out for a night of dancing and faaar too much alcohol. My housemate Wallace (as he looks like Wallace from Wallace and Gromit when he smiles) thought it was hilarious to try and "set me up" with guys. He kept telling guys I was newly single and on the rebound. I remember being at the bar and Wallace was explaining to the hundredth guy about my situation and before I knew it me and this random stranger were talking. He wasn't really my type but he bought me a drink and small talk commenced. Then I noticed he had a sleeve and it was a pretty wicked sleeve at that. All down his arm he had the characters of Nightmare Before Christmas. Now as everyone knows by now I am a sucker for a tattoo'd guy, so this guy suddenly became more appealing and the more I drank, the more I thought I could give this whole rebounding thing a go. The copious amount of alcohol was giving me a false sense of bravado and I thought, fuck it! He has probably slept with most of Cardiff by now so if you can't beat 'em then join 'em. The end of the night came and Wallace invited him back to ours to continue the party. Apart from a kiss and a cuddle nothing more happened between us. I felt quite sorry for him in the morning when he tried to take it further and I ran to the bathroom to grab a shower before work. I just couldn't do it! It wasn't me. I couldn't fully rebound as I was still grieving for the relationship I had just come out of. But then I could just be in the minority with this view and people could be reading this and thinking what a fucking lightweight pussy!

But I could see the attraction. I guess it is the same with one night stands. You get a feeling of want and an attraction, even if it is only for a night that helps to boost your self esteem. I mean at the end of the day, we all feel validated knowing that someone out there finds us attractive right? I lived with a girl in my last year of uni, The Hussy, who got her validation through a string of one night stands. There was always a different guy coming and going from her bedroom and I remember one night, myself and Hobbit having to seek sanctuary in the livingroom after a particularly noisy conquest woke us both us. The perks of student living and thin walls I guess. When I asked her about why she could never settle down into a relationship she explained that it freaked her out. The thought of committing to one person was a lot harder for her than meaningless sex with lots of strangers.

I guess everyone is different and who am I to really judge how people react to breaking up. I just hope for his sake that Straight Edge isn't trying to mask his feelings after this break up by needing to get into a new relationship straight away as that is running away from the issue, rather than facing it head on.

Peace Out
Random Quirky Girl x