Thursday, 22 March 2012

Men say the funniest things ...

So since coming back on the market, me and some friends have had some fun with my new found singledomness (if that isn't a word, then I have totally invented it). Most my female friends are coupled up, so they have taken it upon themselves to live through me to release the single girl inside them. One example was in February at Miss Koko's belated birthday night out in Cardiff. Even though it was her birthday, I was the one who drunkenly ended up having to part-take in dares. As a result I got talking to this group of guys, who were mostly gentlemen, apart from this one charmer. It is due to him that this blog entry has been inspired. It was what he said to me that has made me and my friends decide to record the things men say on nights out.

So this guy. We shall call him Pink Shirt Guy (PSG), was nothing special to look at, but clearly rated himself as a looker. I'm sure you all know the type of guy I mean. Anyway, I was talking to his friend when he pulled me away and said this corker to me:

"I think you're pretty and would totally go down on you, but I wouldn't sleep with you".

What the hell do you reply back to that!?!?

In my drunken state I think I sarcastically thanked him and walked away to tell my friend Miss Red Star what had just happened! So, after getting over the shock of that outburst, we continued talking to the rest of the boys and later on in the night PSG pulled me aside again and started his version of grinding with me. I think my face said it all as I was not impressed. Although his friends seemed amused by how oblivious he was, to how utterly uninterested I was in him. He then decided, that even though I was trying not to dance with him, it would be a good idea to invite me back to his hotel room. Suprisingly, or maybe not so, I turned him down. Even then he didn't take the hint and asked me why I had refused his offer. When I recounted our earlier conversation he denied saying it and tried to convince me to stay at his. When he still didn't take the hint that I wasn't interested, I ended up telling him that he wasn't my type and that his friend (who I'd been talking to throughout the night) was a much better catch. (Which he actually was! Much better dressed, much hotter and came across as a really nice guy). Me and Miss Red Star ended up practically running away after this, laughing about how men rationalise things in their heads. Although five minutes later a random guy with tattoos, (I am a sucker for a guy with tattoos), who we bumped into on our way to get food, bought us both a fake rose from a street seller, so that made us smile even more! I currently have the flower on my mirror at home and it makes me laugh thinking about everything that happened.

Since that night for the last month or so, I have recorded some of my favourite lines from men I have spoken to on nights out:

Stripey top guy: This was the guy I was speaking to when Hobbit kicked off (see boys and girls blog entry for the full Hobbit tale), and in his drunken state he said to me: "Wow, I love your necklace" (please see the pic below of the necklace in question, it really wasn't anything special). He then continued to stroke it... :s
A friend pointed out after, that maybe it was just a distraction so he could look down my dress. Although if he was trying to check out my boobs, he would have had quite the challenge considering I am only a B cup, so not exactly the biggest bust to perve on. However, once he stopped stroking the necklace, he proceeded to pick me up and spin me round, leaving me very very dizzy! I'm not quite sure why guys feel the need to pick girls up and spin them, around like a rag doll, but it happens to me quite often! At 5ft 6 I'm not particularly short either, but I must give off a vibe that says "pick me up and spin me round, you know you want to ;) ".

Pigtails guy: I have naturally curly hair, but often straighten it on nights out, (especially since getting a fringe again after 16 years. It requires to be straight, otherwise I end up looking like Heather Trott from Eastenders, which is not a good look!!!!). When I get hot, my hair develops a mind on its own and acts like someone tripping on acid, i.e. crazy, so that night I decided that pigtails would save everyone from my crazy ass hair that was bound to make an appearance in the heat of the club! So during a conversation with this guy, (someone I used to go to school with) he asks me if my hair is real? Confused? I know I was.After assuring him that it was all my own hair, normal chat resumes. The next day on Facebook  he starts chatting about last night. During the conversation he asked about my hair again.This time in more of a cheeky way. He asked if I was intentionally trying to be naughty by wearing pigtails, as according to him, past a certain age pigtails become naughty and part of school teacher fantasys. To say it was slightly awkward was a little bit of an understatement. So ladies, be aware that an innocent hair choice could be construed as something more naughty! 

Ben: I was quite sober talking to Ben, so I had a lot of fun with this one.
          Me: (waiting for Larry at the bar, whilst eating a lollypop, Ben starts talking to me)
          Ben: Have you just been into the mens toilet for that lolly?
          Me: No, my friend Larry just got me one as I love lollies on a night out! Keeps the sugar levels up.
          Ben: So... does your boyfriend mind you standing and talking to other men?
          Me: Ooooo I like what you did there. I don't have a boyfriend, but how do you know I don't have a 
          Ben: Because you don't look like a lesbian!
          Me: And what do lesbians look like?
          Ben: *pauses to think* Are you a lesbian?
          Me: No, but thanks for taking the time to ask. (Larry then joins us and I'm whisked off to the
                 dancefloor, whilst I tell him all about my encounter).

This one I have thrown in as my friend made me laugh by his attempt to use his powers of persuasion:

Setting: Friends 21st Birthday Party, sitting round the table with a stand of cupcakes mocking us, as no one
           wants to spoil how pretty they looked.
Dai-abetic: *starts rubbing his nipples* "you will eat a fairy cake!"
Laughter errupted after this! Dai-abetic, if the name hasn't given it away is diabetic, so couldn't eat the cupcakes himself, but apparently this was how he was going to seduce us ladies into eating them!

This one is a tale from Miss Koko, which if you are from South Wales will understand the context, if not I still think it is pretty funny:

Miss Koko: I had one guy squeeze my bum and when I turned round and said "what are you doing?"
he said: "do you have bf?
I said: "yes"
he said: "where is he from?"
I said:  "porthcawl"
he replies "you can do much better. I am from Swansea"

(For all of you who don't know, Porthcawl can be considered quite snobby compared to Swansea, so it was a slight down grade had Miss Koko taken him up on his offer).

I'm sure women also have some lovely lines they use when trying to chat up men, so don't let this come across as anything other than funny annecdotes from nights out that myself and friends have experienced. I have personally tried chatting up a gay guy when I was very very drunk. It wouldn't have been too bad if we weren't in a gay club at the time. SHAMED! I am not getting on a feminist high horse about how men behave, just amused by some recent encounters and the impending realisation that I may be single for a while if this is the kind of guy I attract :p I will try and update this from time to time with any more crackers!

Peace Out!
Random Quirky Girl x

Friday, 9 March 2012

Harry Houdini Could Learn A Thing or Two From Me...

Have you ever had one of those days where you put on your headphones, pick a playlist on your ipod (or whatever mp3 player device you use), shut your eyes and wish you could escape your mundane life just for a minute or two?

Well I felt like this the other day waiting for the train! I wanted to just get away from it all and just allow the music to wash over me. Unfortunately I couldn't do this for fear of missing my train home, and I didn't fancy waiting another half an hour for the next one. Plus, I already looked like a right weirdo pulling out my blog ideas notebook from my bag and writing down the ideas, as they came to me, for this blog. I think closing my eyes would have been the last straw and the commuters on the platform would have called those lovely men in white coats to have me taken away once and for all! I wonder if Sid still works for them? He was a nice man.

Music has always been a form of escapism for me, (hence the Houdini reference in my title). Any time I have wanted to just escape from an issue I'm facing in my life, be it something positive or negative, I have always turned to music as an escape, whilst I decide the best plan of action. For example, The All American Rejects are a band I have sought shelter with when running away from things, on more than one occasion. It was this band that I turned to the day I stopped speaking to my Father, a week or so after my 18th birthday, (who is now known as Sperm Donor, as from that day onwards he lost his rights to be known as my father). I still remember it clearly, arguing with him and the fall out afterwards. He'd had a few glasses of wine with food and thought it was a good idea to tell me why him and my Mum had split up - or rather his version of why, with him playing the role of the victim. Trying to tell your eldest daughter that the reason your marriage fell apart was down to her Mother, rather than his affair, was a rather unconvincing argument to me.  After putting him in his place, and telling him there and then, that I disowned him for being so gutless (it has been over 5 years no contact, so I have been true to my word),  I ran up to my bedroom in my Grandparents house, (where we were staying for the Christmas holidays),  and just put my headphones on and let Tyson Ritter transport me away from the chaos that had errupted around me. The music made me feel safe and I suppose it was my way of coping with what had happened. The same band have also seen me through other less dramatic events, such asescaping the heat in Goa when I thought I was going to pass out, revising for exams and just generally dancing round my bedroom to them, either when avoiding getting on with work or getting ready to go out somewhere. Their song 'One More Sad Song' has actually inspired a tattoo I want inked! The lyrics 'One Girl, One Boy, Two Hearts, Their World' would totally work in picture form! Once I can decide where I want it and how to finalise the drawing, I will get it done - so watch this space. And through all these events they are still a band I love to listen to. I have their albums on both my ipod and my blackberry and can often be heared butchering their songs, by singing them at the top of my voice when I'm in the shower.I also have them blasting away in the shop whilst I write this blog. Fast forward 10 years and I will probably still be escaping with them.

I am also the Queen of running away from my problems. When the world just all gets too much, instead of fighting it head on, I run away and hide like the wuss I am. I will always remember when I was in sixth form, a guy I liked had asked a mutual friend for my number and dropped me a text! Now a normal girl would react calmly, give him the 15 minute rule, (you have to wait 15 minutes before texting back, so you don't look too keen - a rule heavily endorsed by Miss Koko back in her single days) and then let the conversation develop from there. What did I do? I hid under my duvet in the feotal position for at least half an hour, with my phone on my bedside table, wondering if it was all a joke and how on earth to reply, or if I should reply at all? My stomach was all knotted and full of butterflies and I just hid from the world. In hindsight, if I could go back and talk to myself, I would have told myself to get a grip and just 'man up'. I was actually talking to my friend, Mr Nice, (given this code name mainly because he is one of the nicest guys I know), about this exact story the other day. He too is a runner and is currently working in a ski resort in France, in order to escape from his problems. I haven't managed to run THAT far away just yet! Normally the furthest I would run would be home to Mum, as she would not ask too many questions and just let me get on with sorting out my head. This has helped on a number of occasions when I was in university. Whether it was an argument with the BFG, or trying to get an essay or exam revision done, home was my form of escape. The one place I felt able to compose myself and start again. But now I'm living back at home I don't even have this option, so I will need to find a new place to run to. I'm thinking a tree house needs to be built in the bottom of the garden and then I can solve my problems 80s style. Oooo and maybe getting a ghetto blaster to listen to my music on! Roll on the retro! 

Another example of my inability to face things head on was when it came to opening my degree results. I had a rocky start at the beginning of my degree by having to resit my first year, after failing two law modules, not once but twice! So when it came to opening my results, the month or so of anticipation that had built up around this life changing event, had resulted in me convincing myself I had failed. So I point blank refused to open them on the day. Family and friends both pleaded as they wanted to know how I had gotten on, but my stubborn streak took over and that was that. You could have offered me 1 milllion pound to open them and I would have refused it. When everyone else was celebrating, I was oblivious to my fate and hiding under a blanket on the sofa like a sulky child. The next morning however, I thought enough was enough and opened them to find a clear 2:2 printed on the paper! To say I was relieved was an under statement!!!! But I needed that time to be able to face the news, whether good or bad.

People all cope in different ways when faced with challenges in their lives and my way is music. Always has been and probably always will be. It is an easy way for me to escape. All you have to do is put your headphones on, choose your artist, and for those however many minutes, just let them transport you to another time and place, where you haven't got a care in the world. Even if in reality it is not so easy to do.

Peace Out
Random Quirky Girl x

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Can Boys and Girls Ever Just Be Friends?

This is a common problem faced by people every day, all over the world! Can a guy and a girl ever just be friends? I am under the firm belief that boys and girls CAN just be friends. I am one of these girls who gets on much better with guys than girls. There is less bitching, less expectation to impress and if you leave the house without make up on they don't ask you if you're ill. Everything just seems easier with guy mates, (dating guys on the otherhand, is definitely more of a head fuck).  So as a result I am often seen as one of the boys. (Or as my brother tells me when I out man him - I'm a lad!). Don't get me wrong I have my close circle of female friends that I can turn to when I need some girly advice, but most of the time I am more at home in the company of men. This has proved an issue with men in the past, however. Be it jealous ex-boyfriends or just misreading signals by male friends, I still maintain that opposite sex friendships can exist.

My best friend Larry is a prime example of the boy/ girl dilemma. We have been friends for 12 years since meeting in year 7 at School - when fate decided we should be in the same form class. Poor Larry must have done something very bad in a past life, as he had to suffer going all the way through secondary school with me in his form class, so inevitably we became best friends! Even when I went off to University and he stayed at home, we still remained close - having cinema catch ups and just generally hanging out. Due to this there has always been the 'will they, won't they?' question over our heads. To this day nothing has ever happened between us and unless by some unfortunate incident, we both find ourselves single at 30, we will have to enforce the Las Vegas shot gun wedding pact we drunkenly thought up one random night. Unless this occurs, then nothing will ever happen between us past friendship. This is something we both agree on. However, recently we had friends quizzing us about when we would get together. It was done in good nature, as we found ourselves yet again being a non- couple 'couple' at a couple heavy night out, but it still doesn't make it any less annoying when the whole world is deciding your fate for you and neither of you agree to it. He is one of my best friends and always will be even though he is of the opposite gender to me. So based on this friendship, I believe guys and girls can just be friends.

However, I appreciate that there are situations where it isn't always this straight forward. I have had some sticky situations where guy mates have misread signals and you have that awkward 'I only see you as a friend' converstaion. I know guys that this is like a kick to the balls, but would you rather hear the truth? Which is that we have no desire to be with you nor do we find you remotely attractive! I think for your egos sake we are being cruel to be kind by using the 'friend' line - trust me.

I am a natural flirt. I don't mean to be and most the time I genuinly don't realise I am doing it, but it appears to be a genetic trait I inherited from my Mum. She is a massive flirt, but will always deny it when you pick her up on it. This has, as I said, landed me in trouble on a few occasions. Most recently was when I went to visit my old housemate, Hobbit. When living together we had that awkward, fancy a date? convo, not long after I split up with the BFG. I didn't handle it well though, as he asked me when I was beyond hungover. I had been to Chepstow with the family to help find a shop unit for the up and coming sweet shop Mum was opening. (Check out Sherbet and Lemon on facebook to see our lovely shop! -What? I don't mind a bit of shameless plugging!) Anyway, back to my tale of woe - cue me hiding under my cardigan and pretending I was invisible. Mature I know, but I was too hungover to cope with functioning, let alone the situation that was unfolding. After a little awkwardness, it blew over, so when I went up for a catch up, I thought nothing of going out,, just the two of us to a club in Cardiff. We even had a bet on, that whoever got the most attention that night, was bought cheese and chips - a post night out must - by the loser. So challenge on!

                                BIG MISTAKE!

Cut to the end of the night with him ranting and raving at me in the club, then screaming at me outside the club, in the taxi on the way home and when we got in the house! In the end I just agreed with everything he said to shut him up! It appears whilst I thought he had moved on, jealousy reared his ugly head, and the result was a half hour rant fest, where I think I was practically told I was worse than Hitler! Although I stopped listening after a while so who knows? And the relevence of this anecdote I hear you ask? Well I suppose this counter argues my point about guys and girls being just friends. Once feelings are involved, it becomes a lot harder to maintain the 'just friends' boundaries. This is often the plot line to Rom Coms, and the guy and the girl end up getting together. But in reality it is very different. As soon as one party shows no interest, things soon get pretty ugly. So I guess that guys and girls can only ever be JUST friends, if there are no feelings involved.

Also, for those interested, I totally won the bet, but due to the endless ranting failed to claim my prize of cheese and chips :( Sad times!

Peace out
Random Quirky Girl x